just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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