I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
