well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
