i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you traded sex for a burrito?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
