OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
you had me at cake vodka
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
