I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
