Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
