Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
