This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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