im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
