Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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