When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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