Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
