Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
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I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
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What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.