Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom