come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
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It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
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Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad