if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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