I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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