i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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