grandma shit on top of the toilet
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
