Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
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My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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