Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
