Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
