Sry I called you an 8
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
