I accidentally burped into my bong.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
