He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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