Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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