Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
