Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
time to smoke my breakfast
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
