tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
