I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
