well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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