i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I know her cup size but not her name....
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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