Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
And then he peed in my hair
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