At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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