Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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