I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
