god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm really busy with my period
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