HIV tests are more positive than that guy
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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