dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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