her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
