It's Friday. Sex?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
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He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
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6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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