Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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