Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
This is classic penis vs brain.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
