I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
