Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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