I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
