I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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