Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
