Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I intend to get homeless drunk
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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