my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
