Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
