I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
