Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
