we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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