When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
