What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
