I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
