Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
