oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
