U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
