Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
