Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i used baking grease as lip gloss
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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