Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs