Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
When are your genitals available?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
