come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.