I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
