in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
