we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
