I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
