Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!