is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
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Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
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Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.