can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
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I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
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He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero