Your mouth is God's brothel.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
