My room smells like vodka and shame
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.