dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You pole danced in your parka.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
